I’m surprised I’m not having nightmares. I do, however, think I’m going to take advantage of my Second Amendment rights and get a carry permit. And a gun. And get my cousin to give me shooting lessons. (He’s a detective.) And maybe buy a stun gun. Veronica made it look so cool…
I’m three episodes into Season 2 of Criminal Minds and I’ve definitely learned a few things.
- Never buy a car through the classifieds. It might be a serial killer luring his victims. You will never return from that test drive.
- Never leave your doors or windows unlocked, EVER. In fact, if you can figure out how to enter your dwelling place without unlocking the door, that’s even better.
- Something bad ALWAYS happens in the woods, whether it’s the middle of the day or the middle of the night.
- If you see a seemingly disabled person drop something or stumble, don’t help him. He might be a serial killer trying to earn your sympathy and lower your defenses. Think Ted Bundy and his fake leg cast.
- Don’t go to a psychiatrist. He might be a serial killer who employs his patients’ fears to kill them.
- If someone stops to ask you for directions, run the other way. At full speed. Blowing a whistle if possible.
- Don’t eat candy from a bowl in a public place. It could be spiked with some horrible poison and/or drug. (Or just germs from people who don’t wash their hands after they use the restroom. Ew.)
- James Van Der Beek suffers from Dissociative Identity Disorder and his alter ego is a sadistic killer.
- People who talk to you online are really sexual deviants intent on harming you. (Um….crap.)
- One can be accepted into the FBI’s Behavioral Analysis Unit only if one is extremely good-looking.
