this face? right here? my over-the-moon face.

It’s that time again. The heart-stopping will-they-or-won’t-they race to the May upfronts, when networks typically announce their lineups for the following fall. Now if you’ve got the words “lost” or “anatomy” or “housewives” in your title, upfronts aren’t so much a crap shoot as it is a time to talk to the press and get some free stuff. Or wait. Maybe it’s just the press that gets the free stuff. Anyway. Moving on.

But if you’re one of the best, most critically acclaimed shows on TV (as dubbed by Time Magazine, no less), upfronts mean time to worry. Especially if your original network and another network have surprisingly merged into a brand-new network called the CW.

I’m not sure why the show’s only attracting around 3 million viewers a week. The network thing may be a factor — not everyone gets UPN, shocker — but I think it boils down to the fact that people just don’t appreciate the superior quality of this show. It’s the same reason Arrested Development was one of the best and most critically acclaimed shows and had to fight tooth and nail for three seasons before getting  bitch-slapped by FOX canceled this year.

You have to pay attention to this show. It’s bitingly funny — but doesn’t go for the cheap and obvious jokes like so many of the mediocre shows around right now. It’s excruciatingly witty and sarcastic. It’s heart-wrenchingly and brutally honest, and painfully realistic. It doesn’t pull any punches.

And it makes the censors work overtime. I’m not naive by any means, but I also hate shows like South Park and others that use such in-your-face and predictable crudeness. Veronica Mars can most definitely be pretty crude — um, did you see the whole “shocker” episode? Titling a show “Versatile Top(pings)?” Referencing “Dirty Sanchez?” Er, naming characters Dick and Beaver? But the way it’s done is so much more superior than the other sophomoric quips 90% of the shows out there rely on. (And no, I’m not going to define “shocker” and “versatile top.” And certainly not (ew) “dirty Sanchez.” Because you probably don’t want to know, and if you do, well, Google away.)

It’s sad that I only know one person — my friend Jerry at work — who watches this show as religiously as I do and fully appreciates the brilliance of Rob & Co. But I’m not giving up. I’ve just made two copies of my Season 1 DVDs to loan out. I’m printing out shower postcards to send to anyone with the least bit of clout in the TV industry. I’m sending out e-cards. I’m blogging. I don’t know what else to do without turning into a stalker.

Here’s some more reasons why you should be watching:

• the wittiest dialogue since Buffy — even more superior than Gilmore Girls
• Kristen Bell
• Joss Whedon, recognized as one of the most genius minds ever, called it the Best. Show. Ever. (you know, even though he created Buffy, Angel, and Firefly)
• Kristen Bell
• Time Magazine named it one of the five best shows on television
• TV Guide dubbed it the “Best Show You’re Not Watching”
• Kristen Bell
• witty, snarktastic humor
• Kristen Bell
• excellent usage of flashbacks to advance the plot
• did I mention Kristen Bell?
• superior character development
• season-long mystery arcs that are actually well-developed and planned
• a writing team that rewards the audience for paying attention to the details
• Kristen Bell AND Jason Dohring (and Enrico Colantoni, and everyone else right on down the line to recurring star Tina Majorino)

Kristen Bell is fricking awesome, is what she is. She is the most masterful actor I’ve ever seen. She has to be — on paper, Veronica isn’t exactly likeable (even though she has every single reason in the world not to be). She’s sarcastic and stand-offish and self-centered. She uses people to accomplish her own agenda. So far she’s illegally video- and audio-taped people, broken and entered, stolen medical documents, stolen money (from a dog-napper, but still), aided and abetted in a kidnapping, vandalized property, lied to the police, lied to the FBI, and…. is using a taser on someone just for hitting on you a misdemeanor or a felony? And is duct-taping someone to a lamp post considered assault?

And yet, Bell makes Veronica relatable. She makes her sympathetic. Veronica’s a tough, self-sufficient girl wise beyond her years, and yet Bell interweaves just the right amount of vulnerability and uncertainty and flat-out fear of getting her heart ripped out of her chest and put through a shredder for the 12th time in, oh, two years. Veronica might have her own agenda, but she truly does care about the people in her life, and everything most of what she does is for the right reasons.

I relate to her just fine. I wish I was as strong on the outside as she is, but I know I’m as much of a wreck inside. Most of the time I like her methods of shutting out everyone around her.

Anyway. I am at a complete and utter loss as to why people are not watching. I don’t want to be as blunt as Kristin over at E!, but seriously, I’m beginning to doubt the intelligence of the average TV viewer.

WATCH THE DAMN SHOW ALREADY. If you’re in and around SA, I’ll even give you the DVDs. You have no more excuses.

Geez.